Thursday, September 2, 2010

Post summer roundup

It's almost Labor day, which means that the summer is drawing to a close. The summer of 2010 is without a doubt the most memorable summer of my young life.
Reasons why summer 2010 was memorable
1. I moved out of my mom's house, and have my own little quaint hovel that's mine and I love it as much as would a mansion.
2. School has been in the forefront of my life since LAST fall and I'm on the fast-track to graduation
3. I grew a backbone (finally) and voiced all my questions, comments, and opinions on people without worrying about if it hurt their feelings or not=) It was an enlightening experience and quite fun...
4. My personal life has taken a turn I never expected...and I've never been happier=)
5. I adopted a new saying and applied it to my life ' Things are almost perfect...and that's just the way I like it".
This simply means that I know I will never be able to achieve complete perfection, and I won't allow that to stop me from doing my very best to complete each task I'm given, and I'm okay with that. The days of me being this super control freak are over. I'm letting go of the reins and allowing God to steer.
While this summer consisted of many ups and downs I still can appreciate everything that happened because without those experiences, I wouldn't have been able to make the decisions that were necessary to make and live my life according to me. So here's to all the unforgettable memories of summer 2010, and here's to hoping that the remainder of the year provides me with some of the same.
Happy Fall!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Home (Bitter)Sweet Home

I've been at my mother's house for the last few days and I honestly have a new respect for my little place called home in Greensboro. Well let me back track...

I've been away from home for almost 3 years with sporadic visits during my breaks at school. The last time I was home was in March 2009 {S.B} and hadn't been back since. I went to summer school from early June to end of July. I was provided with enough time to relax for about a week and a half before the school year started. my initial plan was to stay in NC and get my new place together...that's not even close to what happened.

After several HARASSING phone calls from my mother, pretty much begging me to come home, I conceded and got on a plane and came back to Lima. I never really wanted to come home for several reasons;
1. With only a week and a half before classes started I felt it was unnecessary and a waste of money
2. I'm not close with anyone in my family, and there wasn't one person I really wanted to see.
3. I've made a life for myself in Greensboro.

Regardless of what I wanted I got on a plane and have been home for the past 9 days. I don't know how I lasted but I did, but the real credit goes to my friends, without them I think I would have lost it...But the silver lining to this story is that I'm going back to that little slice of heaven that I call home in a matter of hours and I can't wait=)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Updates, updates, updates

So its been almost 2 months since my last post and suffice to say A LOT has been happening...

First ~ I FINALLY got my own place=) It's just me for now, but my sister will be moving in shortly. Although I have absolutely NO furniture it['s my home and I did it all by myself.

Second ~ I'm in the process of applying, applying, applying and applying for a job so that I may purchase my own car...but the economy pretty much sucks here right now so I'm having a slight problem...but I shan't give up!

Honestly, that's all that's been happening in my world. Hunting for a job, furniture and a car is had work when u have little to no money=( But I'm working on it. I'm going to my parents house for a few days next week so we'll see what I can come up with...wish me luck!

Until the next post

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Keep the faith

That's definitely something I've been having difficulty doing, due to my current housing/financial situation. I'm really ready to have a good paying job so I can get over this hurdle that just won't move out of my way. But every time I get ready to give up I just remember these words a wise woman once told me;
you're supposed to stumble and fall in life, that way when you reach your ultimate goal you appreciate it that much more!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Teenage years= OVER!

Yesterday was my 20th birthday, and I had an absolute blast!

My friends and I started celebrating at 12 am with a dance party that lasted for a few hours, and then we all went to bed(lol). I woke up the next day around 12pm and my boyfriend came to pick me up, so he could make my cake=) I was genuinely touched because not only did he make me a cake, but he also made me chicken parmesan=)

I came back to school to share my birthday cake with my "extended family" and then I chilled out in the room, until it was time to go out.

I went to a local bar called the Pour House with my sister, and her "friend", my suite mate, my boyfriend, and another one of my guy friends and we truly enjoyed ourselves!

My 20th birthday was the best birthday that I have ever had...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Pre Birthday Blues

So it's just a few days before my birthday and I'm miserable! My life has successfully turned into complete and utter chaos. School is over, but I'm in summer school and still working, my parents won't leave me alone and on top of that my personal life keeps taking hit after hit!

I'm honestly to the point of saying forget everything and everyone and spending my birthday in bed, ALONE. Which is how I'll be spending it anyway because no one is going to be available, for the simple fact that my birthday falls on a Tuesday =(

Suffice to say, my 20th birthday is shaping up to pretty much suck!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Summersummersummer time!!!!!

So school is officially out for the summer and has been for about a week now. Summer sessions have begun and guess who's and RA for the summer...ME! Ok, so it's not a real job, but I still get paid nonetheless.
I also have made the decision to to OFFICIALLY move to North Carolina...pause for excited parents are slowly letting go of the purse strings! So I'm in North Carolina for the summer=) I'll probably be visiting the family for the fourth of July, and after that I'll be getting an apartment!!!!!!

In other news, the 20th birthday is in a few days!! I have no clue as to what I'll be doing, but since I'll be surrounded by my"extended family" I'm sure I'll be having a good time=)

So I guess I'm gonna do this whole summer school thing, I figure I might as well be productive if I'm gonna be here for the let the good times roll and here's to a wonderful summer!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Let the purge begin...

I swear one of these days I'm just going to let EVERYONE know how I truly feel about them.

I guess all of this is coming from the simple fact that I lost someone close to me over the weekend, and I never got the chance to tell him goodbye, and that I appreciated everything he had ever done for me. Everything is finally coming to a head, I'm feeling so many emotions all at once, but the one that is prominent is loss. I've lost my grandmother, one of my best friends and people that I considered to be part of my "extended" family.

I guess my life has become one of those story of the week never really know who your friends are until you go through something devastating. And let me tell you that I have lost a number of "friends"in the last few months. I never really realized that I am honestly alone in this world. I have no one that I can truly go to and tell everything that is going on in my world.

I'm kinda tired of dealing with things by myself, I'm always there for other people. It makes me feel like people don't care that I'm going through my own problems...they just want me to drop everything and be there for them when they call...but what about me????? When is it my turn to vent to others and get advice?

Let's just say that I'm over people..I'm about to purge every source in my life,
if I don't feel that you are benefiting my life in any way, shape or form then see ya!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Again with the drama!?

So that's how I'm feeling at this moment...I am SO SICK of people speaking on subjects they know NOTHING about...namely MY life.

I'm sorry that your life is so sad and boring that you have nothing to better to do than talk shit about me. I know I'm pretty and everything but I really need you to focus on something other than me. Please find something PRODUCTIVE to do. But I do have 1 that we may bypass this whole episode again, please direct all questions, comments, concerns, etc about me to me! You may now return to your miserable little lives...


Monday, April 5, 2010


Where to begin...A lot has happened over the past couple of weeks...

3 of my really good friends are expecting children!! Which means I'm planning one baby shower and buying gifts for the other 2. I kinda feel like my biological clock has begun ticking, but that's only because I'm surrounded by the little ones ALL the time. But there will be no little ones coming from me anytime soon...

I'M MOVING!!!!!!! Finally got my own place and I'm uber excited. Can't wait to sign the lease and move in.

GOT A JOB!! So the money will be coming in on a regular :)

Summer is almost here, so I'm about to get the body right and tight and HIT EM WITH THE FLEX! lmao

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ultimate Dedication...20 years of great music

I've been really into music lately...but it's not the garbage that is out on the radio now. I'm talking about music from 1990-2009. More specifically from 1997-2006. Ahhhh my prime (lol). This was the music I actually grew up listening to... B.S.B, *NSYNC, and Destiny's Child were CONSTANTLY on rotation during these 9 years of my life.

So I thought I would pay homage to the 2 best decades of music (1990-2009) and make an "Ultimate" CD. It's a compilation of MY favorite songs from the last 20 years. I've only just begun but there are songs from Bell Biv DeVoe as well as *NSYNC...what can I say, I have eclectic taste in music.

I don't know how many songs I'll have, but I will enjoy looking back and remembering what these songs meant to me.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The funny thing about love

It's funny how nowadays people fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. I miss the days when being in love was sacred and special...

I can honestly say that without a doubt I am TRULY in love for the first time in my life. I know it's not the pseudo love you experiene w/ your first boyfriend or anything like that because I've experienced that before also. It's love because no matter how hard I try to ignore my feelings, the more prevelant they become...

Love is one of those fickle, funny things in life, but when you truly experience love it's the best thing in the world.

Monday, March 15, 2010

We now return to your regularly scheduled program

I am sooo glad to be home! Spring break was a complete bust, but things are finally looking up for me=) And it's about time.

I've finally decided what I want to do with my life, and now all I have to do is decide who I want to remain in my's going to be tough, but I gotta do what's best for me.

I' m currently in the process of moving out on my own for the first time. I'm so excited! I FINALLY feel like an actual adult...

School is coming to a close fast, we ony have like 6 weeks left...and then I'll probably take a few weeks off and return to school for summer sessions.

Like I said, I'm gad to be home and now it's time to return to reality.

Friday, March 12, 2010

We interrupt this program...

Spending time with family is supposed to be enjoyable, but I find it a daunting task.

I hate coming home and having to pretend that I enjoy being around these disfunctional people, when all I really wanna do is be with my friends and do the things a "normal" person my age is supposed to do. Everything is always yelling, screaming, cursing, and it's definitely not a healthy environment. That' s probably why my friends are my safe haven.

I only have a few more hours until I can begin living my life the way I have become accustomed to. I can't wait...

Monday, March 8, 2010

When willl I ever learn?

Pepole NEVER change. They swear up and down that things will be different this time but they never are. I have got to stop doing tihs to myself. I always get my hopes up and it ends up blowing up in my face. ON TO THE NEXT ONE

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Spring Break...

So I'm about to embark on the college students' favorite holiday...

SpRiNg BrEaK!

Only instead of me going out of town with my friends and participating in the drunken activities (even though I don't drink) I get to go back to my hometown and remain under the ever watchful eye of my mother (the Sergeant).

It's not so much that I'm dreading going home, in fact I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait to see all my friends. I just don't want to be around the Sergeant. She's over-bearing and sometimes slightly annoying.

It's only for a week and all I'm asking is that I find someway to get through it!
Wish me luck...

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Date Night!

Last night "boyfriend" and I went out on a date...We've had plenty of them before but this one was completely different. It was just the two of us {minus a few cell phone interruptions} and it was very intimate. =)

How it all started
We were hanging out on Thursday and were having a random coversation, then the conversation took an interesting twist;

Me; "So this was fun"
"BF"; "It was, we should do this again soon"
"Yeah, ok"
"I'm serious. What are you doing Saturday?"
"No plans, what did you have in mind?"
"Guess you'll have to wait until Saturday to find out"
I spent two days imagining what we would do...with NO hints from him, when finally I gave up. I texted him Saturday afternoon and asked him what I should wear and he said "Jeans, a cute shirt, heels. Nothing over the top".
Piece of cake right?...WRONG!
It took me two hours to get ready. I felt like I was going on my first date again, but the final result was well worth the hassle and was very much appreciated=)
We ended up going to this really cute after hours cafe' and shared the BEST chocolate carmel crunch cake EVER! During which time we had a wonderful conversation. We then went on a drive downtown, and stopped for hotdogs {our movie moment} followed by more conversation. The night ended with a movie at his place.
I've been smiling ever since and told him numerous times that we must do this again. I feel like this is our fresh start and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm looking forward to the next date night...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Broken hearted...

I was raised and still do believe that if I want something bad enough, it could be mine- no matter the obstacles. But when it comes to loving someone or being loved, that very same belief is now considered useless, null and void.

I don't understand why you can't see that I'm giving you my all. I don't understand why you seem to think all the words, dreams, ambitions I've shared with you are a bunch of mindless dibble.

"THEY"-whomever "THEY" may be-have said that "Life is for the living, change is ever present". But since I gave my heart to you it feels like I'm s..l..o..w..l..y dying

What happened to the love we once shared? Where is the person I fell in love with, because all I see is the shadow of the person you once used to be.

I want my lover AND friend back.

Until that person returns, I'm not sure what to do about the feeling of emptiness that lives within the piece of my heart you once resided in.

Guess it's time to break out the Elmer's and attempt to put the pieces back together again...

Monday, February 22, 2010

No news is...?

Honestly nothing interesting has been going on in my life since my last post. I have just been trying to get back to quintessential me. I have been spending more time with my family and friends. But that's been it.

Hopefully I'll have some interesting things to report soon...but until then I guess this means that no news is good news.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The day from HELL!

Today has been one of those days you NEVER wish to relive!

The day from hell actually began at midnight. I went out with a few of my "extended" family members to celebrate our program going off without a hitch. The club we went to was very...boring. At least to me it was. The DJ wasn't playing a lot of crowd friendly music and it irritated me. But the worst part about was that EVERYONE around me was DrUnK!!!

I didn't have a problem with them drinking, in fact it was quite entertaining. My issue was the fact that I was the only one in the group that wasn't 21! I'll be so glad when May 2011 rolls around=)

Once the festivities were over and everyone was safely home, I went out to get a late night snack and woke up this morning with ExCrUcIaTiNg stomach cramps! I was really freaked out, and decided to go to the doctor. Once there the doctor informed me that I have a stomach virus {a result of my late night feast}. So now I'm stuck indoors for 24 hours on meds and can only have liquids=(

I can only pray that tomorrow will be better than today!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Soul searching

I've been doing some soul-searching for the past few months and I'm still in the same place I was before...

Stuck in a rut!
I'm not too happy about what's going on in my life in any aspect.

School is still school...although I'm not sure if I have the same dreams and aspirations I once had as a child. But I guess that goes along with the territory of growing up and becoming an adult...right?

My personal life is pretty much a non-exsistant blurb. I've decided to take a vow of celibacy until I can approach a relationship like a grown up...I don't want to make the same mistakes I made in the last 2 relationships I've had.

I FINALLY went out after a year of seclusion...and I realized that I wasn't missing anything special. A couple of people I associate with hit the club last Wednesday and Thursday. I had fun being out and about with fun people, but I've decided that I'm so over the club scene. I really don't care to be out in sub-freezing temeratures anyway.

Things with the family aren't getting any better, and I doubt they will...and unfortunately I'm going back to that black hole in a few weeks. Hopefully it will go by extremely fast and I won't ever have to go back.

But other than that I'm still doing my soul searching and hopefully I'll be able to come to definite decision about what's going to happen in my life...

Monday, February 15, 2010


So after a rousing pre-Valentine's day bash, I came "home" and had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good male friends. He and I were discussing why we believe love is for suckers and fools, and why relationships are over-rated ...his words, not mine.

While I'm still a true romantic at heart {sigh} a lot of what he had to say made a lot of sense.
He said that from now on he was going to approach his personal life as that of a 'solosexual'. I asked him what that meant and he simply stated; "I'm not going to have sex with anyone else nor am I going to pleasure myself."

Basically he's going to be celibate, but being a solosexual sounds so much well as being a great conversation starter=), at least until he finds someone with whom he can start an honest WHOLESOME relationship with, and once they decide that they are ready to take the next step they will...

I thought that he had a point. Before we all discovered sex, relationships meant something, faithfulness was never questioned, and people were in love for the sake of being in love. But that isn't the case these days and it's very disheartening.

I've always dreamed of finding my Prince Charming, getting married...the works. But lately my dreams may not come true. I'm starting to doubt that P.C actually exists, and as for the other stuff if it's really on my mind and heart to do it then, there are other "unconventional" ways for me to go about doing so...

But until I make up my mind I have decided to adapt to a new way of life and become a solosexual.
We shall see how this will pan out...

Birthday wishes for Grams

It's the early hours of Feb.15th and all I can think about is Grams.

Today would have been her 87th birthday. =)

I know she lived a full life and that her being down her for the last few weeks of her life were painful, but I still can't help but feel selfish about wanting her here so I could call and give her birthday wishes, and to update her on the craziness that is my life. She was the one person who knew EVERYTHING about me...and I do mean everything. I could never hide anything from her, nor did I want to. I miss having my favorite confidante around to keep me on my toes and give me advice as only a grandmother could. Today isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still too early to tell.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder if she's warm where she is, if she's getting enough rest, if she's trying to guide me in the right direction...I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears are flowing freely as I reminisce on my life and the woman who has influenced me in every major way possible.

I would give anything to just be able to talk to her one last time, until my heart is content and I can officially let go. But sadly, all I have are my memories. Albeit as wonderful/painful as they are I wish I could just hug, kiss and tell her that I love her one last time. I hope that she can see me from her "prime real estate" up there and is happy with the person I am becoming. All I have ever wanted to do is make her {and the rest of my family} proud of me. I hope that I am doing that and will continue to do so...I guess I'll have to wait until that day comes when she and I can once again embrace and catch up. But until then...

~*Happy Birthday Grams*~
I you
I miss you

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day blues

So Valentine's day is right around the corner and I'm completely dreading it! I have NEVER liked the holiday, mainly because I believe it's a greeting card holiday...but I digress. Anyway I just don't like the idea of there being one day a year where you express your love or feelings for someone. I feel like that should be 24/7/365.

I'm not looking forward to it this year for 2 reasons.
1) My grandmother's birthday is/would have been the next day...since she isn 't here to celebrate I'm kinda down in the dumps. I miss her on a constant basis. I just wish I could pick up the phone one last time and call her to say I love you. But the more I talk about her the more sad I become so, moving on...

2) It's EFFING snowing here in Greensboro! Who wants to be all in love when it's 20 degrees!? Ok so yeah it's the perfect weather to cuuddle in, but down here it's like the apocolypse when it snows. I'm stll adjusting but I'm over the nonsense when it comes to "inclement" weather down here...

But once the 16th of February gets here I'll be ok. But until then I'm going into hiding...

Friday, February 5, 2010

What I HATE the most...

There aren't too many things I hate, for the simple fact that hate is a very strong word... describes hate as: dislike intensely or passionately;
2. feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward;

So like I said hate is a very strong word. But one of the things I absolutely hate is when females aren't woman enough to approach each other. I do not like going through other sources when there is an issue.I do not like hearing that "she said this" or "I heard so and so was talking about you". If you have a problem with me you are more than welcome to approach me and discuss what the issue you have with me is.

There are far too many resources today for people to be able to have mature conversations...
And ladies DO NOT prejudge someone before you get to know them....matter of fact NO ONE SHOULD BE JUDGING ANYONE! I have heard far too many people say "Well I HEARD you said this about me..." Key word people; HEARD. Until you approach the person and ask them if they are talking behind your back you won't know if it's true...until then it's GOSSIP.

Now I'm speaking on behalf of myself when I say I have NO reason to talk about another female behind her back...I was telling you about yourself to your face when you turned around and walked away.

I'm too old to be dealing with this "he said/she said" nonsense. So from now on, I would like any and all people who have an issue with me to come to me so we may address it like the young adults we are.

Friday, January 29, 2010

I am changing...

UGH! This is definately how I've been feeling lately...I'm not sure when I became so unhappy with my life, but I know when I decided to change things...Last Wednesday(1-20-10). I realized that my "boyfriend" doesn't feel as strongly for me as I do for him. I also realized that my feelings for him have been changing for some time now.

I'm totally not in the mood to even talk about I'll just write again when I'm in the mood

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

To Haiti with love...

This blog is in regards to the feelings I have in reference to the devastating earthquake that hit Haiti

From ancient times mankind has mourned its losses. Every culture has it's own distinct way of expressing grief. Even animals express grief and mourn those that are no longer with them...It's a sad fact that many people choose not set aside time to mourn, or even have a moment of silence, whether it's a family member or not. Mourning is necessary for one's mental health and stability and it's also a way for those still living to pay their respect to those who have passed away...

*A moment of silence for those who lost their lives*
The act of creating a memorial is a spiritual act. A memorial tells the world that even though an individual has lost their life, their spirit lives on. It makes a statement that that the individuals life mattered and will continue to matter. Their acts of courage and goodness will never be forgotten.
This is my memorial...
to Haiti with love

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


I'm kinda in this weird place right now. I'm not exactly sure with what's actually happening but I know that these changes will be permanent.

I'm not sure if "boy/friend" and I are going to be in an 'official' relationship because he's going through growing pains of his own. I don't want to be on the back burner, BUT I do want to try and make whatever is going on between us work. And the whole situation with my ex is complicating things even more...

I no longer have strong feelings for him, but there are still remnants of him there, and I know if given the chance I would allow him back into my life , but it would result in him screwing me over for the umpteenth time and I really don't need that. I just have to figure out how to completely let go of the situation...

Things with the family aren't getting any better; I'm still going through this eMoTiOnAl roller coaster, and I have NO ONE I can talk to about it. I guess that's why I blog. Whether someone reads it or not it allows me to pour out my feelings->makes me feel better<-. I honestly don't know if I can continue to put up the front any longer.
All I want is for someone to hold me and say everything will be ok.
I guess I'm looking for stability and I just don't have it in any area of my life. I just feel like no one understands the hurt I feel everyday. No one bothers to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm feeling...but I play "Dr. Jasmine" to everyone else and no one gives a damn about me! I have all these things running through my head and it's really sad that with all the people in my life who are my 'friends' the only way I can express how I feel is through blogging. *I wish* I could take away the pain and hurt that I feel, but I can't. *I wish* I could confide in those who confide in me, but I can't. I hate having to disclose my true feelings behind closed doors, but for whatever reason crying in my "world" is socially unacceptable, so I put on a brave face in public, but in the privacy of my own room, I cry and scream until I'm too tired to do anything else.

I'm on this road that I believe is going to allow me to become a respectable young woman who knows how to ask for help, yet can still stand on her own two feet. I want to find true love and happiness all while living life according to me.

Teachers gone mad

Have you ever had one of those teachers that always does just a little too much?
Well I have one of those teachers. I see "Dr. B" at 9 am 3 days a week. She's always excited, peppy, and sometimes it's just annoying! This is by far the largest class I'm in ->we have 60 people enrolled<-. So you would think with such a large class that group work would be omitted...oh no! Not in Dr. B's class! She splits us up into 4 groups...basic math tells us that 60 people divided into 4 groups equals 15 people per group! How in the world are 15 people supposed to do an equal amount of work? They aren't! What's going to happen is that there will be 5-6 people that will do a majority of the work and the remaining members will latch on to their coattails.
I really do care about Dr. B but she has lost her mind. She's doing too much for a 50 minute class that only meets 3 days a week. The world is full of teachers like Dr. B...they have good intentions, but their ideas are executed the wrong way.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Enough is enough!

My parents have officially worked my last nerve! For whatever reason my parents are under the impression that I have regressed back to 9 years old. They want to do everything for me. They want me to check in with them once a week. They want to take responsibility for EVERYTHING I do. I appreciate the thought but, enough is enough! I am 19 years old and would like to be treated as an adult. I know my parents want to make sure I succeed in life, but they don't want to let me do it my way. It's as if the older I get, the more my parents don't want to let me go.
1. Am I wrong to want to make my own mistakes and clean up my own messes?
2. Is it ok for me to only want to call for their help when it's absolutely needed?
3. How do I get them to realize that they did a great job raising me and it's ok to let go of the reins?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

First Day Drama

So it's my first day back at the ilustrious North Carolina A&T State University, and the nonsene has begun. First off I was dropped from all my classes and forced to re-register as well as pay the $50 late fee -> even though they dropped the ball<- but whatever. It feels good to be back at school after my DISASTROUS winter break...but I could do without all the added pressures.
My schedule is pretty low key, i have 5 classes but one of my classes is a late class so we shall see if I can adapt to having my nights interrupted 2 nights a week. I have my first class of the SPR 10 semester if a few hours, so we shall see how it goes...
So I loved my speech class=) My teacher is really funny and I think my dreams are slowly changing. Being a lawyer is still on my mind, but I think I wanna teach. So I gotta wait til tomorrow to see if I'll enjoy my other classes. But for now I'm satisfied...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Impending motherhood?

So in the past 2 years there has been this growing trend within my circle of friends...they're all having babies! To date I have 5 godchildren {2 boys, 3 girls} with one on the way. Now don't get me wrong I my godchildren but I can't help but wonder if I'm next on the list to become a mom...

I'm not saying I don't EVER want to become a mom, but at this stage in my life, I'm not ready. I'm taking the proper precautions, but there is still that voice in the back of my head that says 'be careful you could be next' . . .

To be perfectly honest I have recently been thinking about what my life would be like if I were to have a baby, and the possibilities scare the shit out of me. I know my life would go one of two ways;
a) I get pregnant aand my baby's daddy and I struggle to provide for our little family and thus putting a strain on our relationship and leaving me to raise a child by myself

b) I get pregnant and my baby's daddy doesn't want to have anything to do with me or the child he and I created, thus leaving me alone to raise a child by myself
I say by myself and that's exactly what I mean. My parents have already said that if i get pregnant/have a baby before I'm ready, I'm not going to receive any support from them in anyway...which has lead me to the ultimate decision;
a).that I don't wanna have children until I'm married and my husband and I decide we're ready to have children
b).I decide that I'm stable enough in my life to bring a baby into this world and provide for us by myself{until Prince Charming comes my way...}
So here's to me not having babies anytime soon, yet still providing love and support to all my friends and spoiling my god children to death!!!