Crossroads

I'm kinda in this weird place right now. I'm not exactly sure with what's actually happening but I know that these changes will be permanent.

I'm not sure if "boy/friend" and I are going to be in an 'official' relationship because he's going through growing pains of his own. I don't want to be on the back burner, BUT I do want to try and make whatever is going on between us work. And the whole situation with my ex is complicating things even more...

I no longer have strong feelings for him, but there are still remnants of him there, and I know if given the chance I would allow him back into my life , but it would result in him screwing me over for the umpteenth time and I really don't need that. I just have to figure out how to completely let go of the situation...

Things with the family aren't getting any better; I'm still going through this eMoTiOnAl roller coaster, and I have NO ONE I can talk to about it. I guess that's why I blog. Whether someone reads it or not it allows me to pour out my feelings->makes me feel better<-. I honestly don't know if I can continue to put up the front any longer.

All I want is for someone to hold me and say everything will be ok.

I guess I'm looking for stability and I just don't have it in any area of my life. I just feel like no one understands the hurt I feel everyday. No one bothers to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm feeling...but I play "Dr. Jasmine" to everyone else and no one gives a damn about me! I have all these things running through my head and it's really sad that with all the people in my life who are my 'friends' the only way I can express how I feel is through blogging. *I wish* I could take away the pain and hurt that I feel, but I can't. *I wish* I could confide in those who confide in me, but I can't. I hate having to disclose my true feelings behind closed doors, but for whatever reason crying in my "world" is socially unacceptable, so I put on a brave face in public, but in the privacy of my own room, I cry and scream until I'm too tired to do anything else.

I'm on this road that I believe is going to allow me to become a respectable young woman who knows how to ask for help, yet can still stand on her own two feet. I want to find true love and happiness all while living life according to me.