Tuesday, December 29, 2009

It's just one of them days...

Monica definately had it right...I just wanna be by myself and do my own thing. I'm so sick of other people dictating to me and telling me what they think is best for me. The more they do it, the more I want to rebel.
So I ended up spending Christmas with my dad's family, which started off horribly, due to a fight between my sister, myself and my uncle. But once the dust settled and they realized I'm not one to be messed with, I actually enjoyed myself.
Now I'm back home where I belong and looking forward to spending time with my step-mom and seeing my friends again...plus it's almost New Year's and that means it's time to PARTY!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009 rewind

I decided to create this blog as a way to just let my feelings out and say what I want with no reservations. I constantly have things on my mind and I usually write them down, but I found that always left me with tons and tons of journals {and NO space}. So I figured that compiling my thoughts into a blog is the best thing to do...Christmas is vastly approaching and the only thing I want to do is...RELAX! The past 8 months have been crazy and I just need a chance to breathe.

So lets do a quick recap;

May 2009- My first year in college has ended on a very high note. I found a really great guy {I'm still seeing him}, my grades were on point and I was looking forward to going home and seeing my family for the first time in 6 months.

June 2009-I came home to MAJOR changes. My maternal grandmother{Grams} had been very ill for a while and ended up in the hospital the second week I came home. So my sister and I spent all of June sitting with our grandmother in the hospital, and catching up on some family history.

July 2009- Grams came home from the hospital! it was such a blessing to see her out of that hospital bed and back at home. Everything was going fine until halfway through the month. That's when her health took a turn for the worst. She was no longer the independent spitfire that I remembered from my youth. She was completely dependent on the rest of her family to take care of her. Grams HATED being dependent on other people, but it finally gave all of us a chance to lift her and take care of her like she had done for all of us. But everything took a turn for the worst...

August 2009-I can honestly say that this was the worst month of my young life. On August 4, 2009, my Grams passed away in my arms. Needless to say it was a traumatic experience. The image of that day and her taking her last breath will remain etched in my mind forever. The worst part{for me anyway} was that four days later she was buried. I feel that as a family we didn't get a chance to properly grieve. So each day I grieve a little for her but I try not to let it get to me too bad.

2-15-1921 to 8-4-2009

Nellie Parker Rhodes

September/October 2009- I began my second year of college with a heavy heart. I joined a bunch of organizations to take my mind off the pain I was feeling. For a while it worked but
there was always this empty feeling that I carried with me. The Greatest Homecoming on Earth came and went, and for a while I was fine. But I knew the real test would come once the holidays hit, and believe me it wasn't easy...

November 2009- My first holiday with out Grams. I went into a deep depression around the 21 of November, because I was celebrating a holiday for the first time in my life without her being there. Thanksgiving Day was really hard. I spent most of the day crying and locked in my room. That night a feeling of peace washed over me and I knew she was there telling me that no matter where I went she would always be with me.

December 2009- Now we're officially caught up. Not to say that December hasn't brought it's own set of drama, but I'm glad the year is almost over so I can start fresh in 2010. Someone I considered my best friend showed me their true colors, and I realized that I can't count on anyone but myself. So now I'm sitting in Florida, reliving the latter part of 2009 and I've realized that I've come into my own and discovered my own self worth and strength. It's a wonderful feeling, I just wish that it didn't have to come at such a high cost.

So here's to 2010...a year that is filled with love, happiness and creates better memories than 2009!