Monday, February 15, 2010

Birthday wishes for Grams

It's the early hours of Feb.15th and all I can think about is Grams.

Today would have been her 87th birthday. =)

I know she lived a full life and that her being down her for the last few weeks of her life were painful, but I still can't help but feel selfish about wanting her here so I could call and give her birthday wishes, and to update her on the craziness that is my life. She was the one person who knew EVERYTHING about me...and I do mean everything. I could never hide anything from her, nor did I want to. I miss having my favorite confidante around to keep me on my toes and give me advice as only a grandmother could. Today isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still too early to tell.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder if she's warm where she is, if she's getting enough rest, if she's trying to guide me in the right direction...I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears are flowing freely as I reminisce on my life and the woman who has influenced me in every major way possible.

I would give anything to just be able to talk to her one last time, until my heart is content and I can officially let go. But sadly, all I have are my memories. Albeit as wonderful/painful as they are I wish I could just hug, kiss and tell her that I love her one last time. I hope that she can see me from her "prime real estate" up there and is happy with the person I am becoming. All I have ever wanted to do is make her {and the rest of my family} proud of me. I hope that I am doing that and will continue to do so...I guess I'll have to wait until that day comes when she and I can once again embrace and catch up. But until then...

~*Happy Birthday Grams*~
I you
I miss you