Date Night!

Last night "boyfriend" and I went out on a date...We've had plenty of them before but this one was completely different. It was just the two of us {minus a few cell phone interruptions} and it was very intimate. =)

How it all started

We were hanging out on Thursday and were having a random coversation, then the conversation took an interesting twist;

Me; "So this was fun"

"BF"; "It was, we should do this again soon"

"Yeah, ok"

"I'm serious. What are you doing Saturday?"

"No plans, what did you have in mind?"

"Guess you'll have to wait until Saturday to find out"

I spent two days imagining what we would do...with NO hints from him, when finally I gave up. I texted him Saturday afternoon and asked him what I should wear and he said "Jeans, a cute shirt, heels. Nothing over the top".

Piece of cake right?...WRONG!

It took me two hours to get ready. I felt like I was going on my first date again, but the final result was well worth the hassle and was very much appreciated=)

We ended up going to this really cute after hours cafe' and shared the BEST chocolate carmel crunch cake EVER! During which time we had a wonderful conversation. We then went on a drive downtown, and stopped for hotdogs {our movie moment} followed by more conversation. The night ended with a movie at his place.

I've been smiling ever since and told him numerous times that we must do this again. I feel like this is our fresh start and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm looking forward to the next date night...

Broken hearted...

I was raised and still do believe that if I want something bad enough, it could be mine- no matter the obstacles. But when it comes to loving someone or being loved, that very same belief is now considered useless, null and void.

I don't understand why you can't see that I'm giving you my all. I don't understand why you seem to think all the words, dreams, ambitions I've shared with you are a bunch of mindless dibble.

"THEY"-whomever "THEY" may be-have said that "Life is for the living, change is ever present". But since I gave my heart to you it feels like I'm s..l..o..w..l..y dying

What happened to the love we once shared? Where is the person I fell in love with, because all I see is the shadow of the person you once used to be.

I want my lover AND friend back.

Until that person returns, I'm not sure what to do about the feeling of emptiness that lives within the piece of my heart you once resided in.

Guess it's time to break out the Elmer's and attempt to put the pieces back together again...

No news is...?

Honestly nothing interesting has been going on in my life since my last post. I have just been trying to get back to quintessential me. I have been spending more time with my family and friends. But that's been it.

Hopefully I'll have some interesting things to report soon...but until then I guess this means that no news is good news.

The day from HELL!

Today has been one of those days you NEVER wish to relive!

The day from hell actually began at midnight. I went out with a few of my "extended" family members to celebrate our program going off without a hitch. The club we went to was very...boring. At least to me it was. The DJ wasn't playing a lot of crowd friendly music and it irritated me. But the worst part about was that EVERYONE around me was DrUnK!!!

I didn't have a problem with them drinking, in fact it was quite entertaining. My issue was the fact that I was the only one in the group that wasn't 21! I'll be so glad when May 2011 rolls around=)

Once the festivities were over and everyone was safely home, I went out to get a late night snack and woke up this morning with ExCrUcIaTiNg stomach cramps! I was really freaked out, and decided to go to the doctor. Once there the doctor informed me that I have a stomach virus {a result of my late night feast}. So now I'm stuck indoors for 24 hours on meds and can only have liquids=(

I can only pray that tomorrow will be better than today!

Soul searching

I've been doing some soul-searching for the past few months and I'm still in the same place I was before...

Stuck in a rut!

I'm not too happy about what's going on in my life in any aspect.

School is still school...although I'm not sure if I have the same dreams and aspirations I once had as a child. But I guess that goes along with the territory of growing up and becoming an adult...right?

My personal life is pretty much a non-exsistant blurb. I've decided to take a vow of celibacy until I can approach a relationship like a grown up...I don't want to make the same mistakes I made in the last 2 relationships I've had.

I FINALLY went out after a year of seclusion...and I realized that I wasn't missing anything special. A couple of people I associate with hit the club last Wednesday and Thursday. I had fun being out and about with fun people, but I've decided that I'm so over the club scene. I really don't care to be out in sub-freezing temeratures anyway.

Things with the family aren't getting any better, and I doubt they will...and unfortunately I'm going back to that black hole in a few weeks. Hopefully it will go by extremely fast and I won't ever have to go back.

But other than that I'm still doing my soul searching and hopefully I'll be able to come to definite decision about what's going to happen in my life...

Solosexual

So after a rousing pre-Valentine's day bash, I came "home" and had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good male friends. He and I were discussing why we believe love is for suckers and fools, and why relationships are over-rated ...his words, not mine.

While I'm still a true romantic at heart {sigh} a lot of what he had to say made a lot of sense.
He said that from now on he was going to approach his personal life as that of a 'solosexual'. I asked him what that meant and he simply stated; "I'm not going to have sex with anyone else nor am I going to pleasure myself."

Basically he's going to be celibate, but being a solosexual sounds so much better...as well as being a great conversation starter=), at least until he finds someone with whom he can start an honest WHOLESOME relationship with, and once they decide that they are ready to take the next step they will...

I thought that he had a point. Before we all discovered sex, relationships meant something, faithfulness was never questioned, and people were in love for the sake of being in love. But that isn't the case these days and it's very disheartening.

I've always dreamed of finding my Prince Charming, getting married...the works. But lately my dreams may not come true. I'm starting to doubt that P.C actually exists, and as for the other stuff if it's really on my mind and heart to do it then, there are other "unconventional" ways for me to go about doing so...

But until I make up my mind I have decided to adapt to a new way of life and become a solosexual.

We shall see how this will pan out...

Birthday wishes for Grams

It's the early hours of Feb.15th and all I can think about is Grams.

Today would have been her 87th birthday. =)

I know she lived a full life and that her being down her for the last few weeks of her life were painful, but I still can't help but feel selfish about wanting her here so I could call and give her birthday wishes, and to update her on the craziness that is my life. She was the one person who knew EVERYTHING about me...and I do mean everything. I could never hide anything from her, nor did I want to. I miss having my favorite confidante around to keep me on my toes and give me advice as only a grandmother could. Today isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still too early to tell.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder if she's warm where she is, if she's getting enough rest, if she's trying to guide me in the right direction...I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears are flowing freely as I reminisce on my life and the woman who has influenced me in every major way possible.

I would give anything to just be able to talk to her one last time, until my heart is content and I can officially let go. But sadly, all I have are my memories. Albeit as wonderful/painful as they are I wish I could just hug, kiss and tell her that I love her one last time. I hope that she can see me from her "prime real estate" up there and is happy with the person I am becoming. All I have ever wanted to do is make her {and the rest of my family} proud of me. I hope that I am doing that and will continue to do so...I guess I'll have to wait until that day comes when she and I can once again embrace and catch up. But until then...

~*Happy Birthday Grams*~

I ♥ you

I miss you

Valentine's Day blues

So Valentine's day is right around the corner and I'm completely dreading it! I have NEVER liked the holiday, mainly because I believe it's a greeting card holiday...but I digress. Anyway I just don't like the idea of there being one day a year where you express your love or feelings for someone. I feel like that should be 24/7/365.

I'm not looking forward to it this year for 2 reasons.

1) My grandmother's birthday is/would have been the next day...since she isn 't here to celebrate I'm kinda down in the dumps. I miss her on a constant basis. I just wish I could pick up the phone one last time and call her to say I love you. But the more I talk about her the more sad I become so, moving on...

2) It's EFFING snowing here in Greensboro! Who wants to be all in love when it's 20 degrees!? Ok so yeah it's the perfect weather to cuuddle in, but down here it's like the apocolypse when it snows. I'm stll adjusting but I'm over the nonsense when it comes to "inclement" weather down here...

But once the 16th of February gets here I'll be ok. But until then I'm going into hiding...

What I HATE the most...

There aren't too many things I hate, for the simple fact that hate is a very strong word...
Dictionary.com describes hate as:
1.to dislike intensely or passionately;
2. feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward;
3.detest:

So like I said hate is a very strong word. But one of the things I absolutely hate is when females aren't woman enough to approach each other. I do not like going through other sources when there is an issue.I do not like hearing that "she said this" or "I heard so and so was talking about you". If you have a problem with me you are more than welcome to approach me and discuss what the issue you have with me is.

There are far too many resources today for people to be able to have mature conversations...
And ladies DO NOT prejudge someone before you get to know them....matter of fact NO ONE SHOULD BE JUDGING ANYONE! I have heard far too many people say "Well I HEARD you said this about me..." Key word people; HEARD. Until you approach the person and ask them if they are talking behind your back you won't know if it's true...until then it's GOSSIP.

Now I'm speaking on behalf of myself when I say I have NO reason to talk about another female behind her back...I was telling you about yourself to your face when you turned around and walked away.

I'm too old to be dealing with this "he said/she said" nonsense. So from now on, I would like any and all people who have an issue with me to come to me so we may address it like the young adults we are.