Post summer roundup

It's almost Labor day, which means that the summer is drawing to a close. The summer of 2010 is without a doubt the most memorable summer of my young life.

Reasons why summer 2010 was memorable

1. I moved out of my mom's house, and have my own little quaint hovel that's mine and I love it as much as would a mansion.

2. School has been in the forefront of my life since LAST fall and I'm on the fast-track to graduation

3. I grew a backbone (finally) and voiced all my questions, comments, and opinions on people without worrying about if it hurt their feelings or not=) It was an enlightening experience and quite fun...

4. My personal life has taken a turn I never expected...and I've never been happier=)

5. I adopted a new saying and applied it to my life ' Things are almost perfect...and that's just the way I like it".

This simply means that I know I will never be able to achieve complete perfection, and I won't allow that to stop me from doing my very best to complete each task I'm given, and I'm okay with that. The days of me being this super control freak are over. I'm letting go of the reins and allowing God to steer.

While this summer consisted of many ups and downs I still can appreciate everything that happened because without those experiences, I wouldn't have been able to make the decisions that were necessary to make and live my life according to me. So here's to all the unforgettable memories of summer 2010, and here's to hoping that the remainder of the year provides me with some of the same.

Happy Fall!

The funny thing about love

It's funny how nowadays people fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. I miss the days when being in love was sacred and special...

I can honestly say that without a doubt I am TRULY in love for the first time in my life. I know it's not the pseudo love you experiene w/ your first boyfriend or anything like that because I've experienced that before also. It's love because no matter how hard I try to ignore my feelings, the more prevelant they become...

Love is one of those fickle, funny things in life, but when you truly experience love it's the best thing in the world.

Broken hearted...

I was raised and still do believe that if I want something bad enough, it could be mine- no matter the obstacles. But when it comes to loving someone or being loved, that very same belief is now considered useless, null and void.

I don't understand why you can't see that I'm giving you my all. I don't understand why you seem to think all the words, dreams, ambitions I've shared with you are a bunch of mindless dibble.

"THEY"-whomever "THEY" may be-have said that "Life is for the living, change is ever present". But since I gave my heart to you it feels like I'm s..l..o..w..l..y dying

What happened to the love we once shared? Where is the person I fell in love with, because all I see is the shadow of the person you once used to be.

I want my lover AND friend back.

Until that person returns, I'm not sure what to do about the feeling of emptiness that lives within the piece of my heart you once resided in.

Guess it's time to break out the Elmer's and attempt to put the pieces back together again...

Solosexual

So after a rousing pre-Valentine's day bash, I came "home" and had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good male friends. He and I were discussing why we believe love is for suckers and fools, and why relationships are over-rated ...his words, not mine.

While I'm still a true romantic at heart {sigh} a lot of what he had to say made a lot of sense.
He said that from now on he was going to approach his personal life as that of a 'solosexual'. I asked him what that meant and he simply stated; "I'm not going to have sex with anyone else nor am I going to pleasure myself."

Basically he's going to be celibate, but being a solosexual sounds so much better...as well as being a great conversation starter=), at least until he finds someone with whom he can start an honest WHOLESOME relationship with, and once they decide that they are ready to take the next step they will...

I thought that he had a point. Before we all discovered sex, relationships meant something, faithfulness was never questioned, and people were in love for the sake of being in love. But that isn't the case these days and it's very disheartening.

I've always dreamed of finding my Prince Charming, getting married...the works. But lately my dreams may not come true. I'm starting to doubt that P.C actually exists, and as for the other stuff if it's really on my mind and heart to do it then, there are other "unconventional" ways for me to go about doing so...

But until I make up my mind I have decided to adapt to a new way of life and become a solosexual.

We shall see how this will pan out...

Birthday wishes for Grams

It's the early hours of Feb.15th and all I can think about is Grams.

Today would have been her 87th birthday. =)

I know she lived a full life and that her being down her for the last few weeks of her life were painful, but I still can't help but feel selfish about wanting her here so I could call and give her birthday wishes, and to update her on the craziness that is my life. She was the one person who knew EVERYTHING about me...and I do mean everything. I could never hide anything from her, nor did I want to. I miss having my favorite confidante around to keep me on my toes and give me advice as only a grandmother could. Today isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still too early to tell.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I wonder if she's warm where she is, if she's getting enough rest, if she's trying to guide me in the right direction...I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears are flowing freely as I reminisce on my life and the woman who has influenced me in every major way possible.

I would give anything to just be able to talk to her one last time, until my heart is content and I can officially let go. But sadly, all I have are my memories. Albeit as wonderful/painful as they are I wish I could just hug, kiss and tell her that I love her one last time. I hope that she can see me from her "prime real estate" up there and is happy with the person I am becoming. All I have ever wanted to do is make her {and the rest of my family} proud of me. I hope that I am doing that and will continue to do so...I guess I'll have to wait until that day comes when she and I can once again embrace and catch up. But until then...

~*Happy Birthday Grams*~

I ♥ you

I miss you

Valentine's Day blues

So Valentine's day is right around the corner and I'm completely dreading it! I have NEVER liked the holiday, mainly because I believe it's a greeting card holiday...but I digress. Anyway I just don't like the idea of there being one day a year where you express your love or feelings for someone. I feel like that should be 24/7/365.

I'm not looking forward to it this year for 2 reasons.

1) My grandmother's birthday is/would have been the next day...since she isn 't here to celebrate I'm kinda down in the dumps. I miss her on a constant basis. I just wish I could pick up the phone one last time and call her to say I love you. But the more I talk about her the more sad I become so, moving on...

2) It's EFFING snowing here in Greensboro! Who wants to be all in love when it's 20 degrees!? Ok so yeah it's the perfect weather to cuuddle in, but down here it's like the apocolypse when it snows. I'm stll adjusting but I'm over the nonsense when it comes to "inclement" weather down here...

But once the 16th of February gets here I'll be ok. But until then I'm going into hiding...

I am changing...

UGH! This is definately how I've been feeling lately...I'm not sure when I became so unhappy with my life, but I know when I decided to change things...Last Wednesday(1-20-10). I realized that my "boyfriend" doesn't feel as strongly for me as I do for him. I also realized that my feelings for him have been changing for some time now.

I'm totally not in the mood to even talk about it...so I'll just write again when I'm in the mood